I struggle with some of the same things as many others. Lust. Anger. Jealousy. Self-Esteem. All of these things have played a constant role in hurting me throughout a good portion of my life. My prayer for myself and for my loved ones is that we all overcome these things. God has created us, knowing that we are better than these things. Satan throws these things at us to try to break us. We are not stronger. But God IS.
My struggle with anger has gotten so much better. I'm learning (slowly but surely) to let things go. I have been struggling lately with hatred of this one particular person. I'm just lately finding out that it's my deep-seeded insecurities making me angry. I'm angry because (if you don't know the situation) this guy "won" in a certain life situation, and I broke down thinking "Why in the world would this guy, who is a complete jerk, win, and I lose?" But I'm learning to let go. I'm choosing to believe that God's plan for his life is mapped out and that he "needs the win" (for those of you who watched HIMYM last night) . So I'm going to let him have it. I've let go.
My weeks are getting so crazy that I forget to spend time with God, but I am realizing that I can always go back, and it will be just as wonderful as always. The support system God has placed in my life is great, and even though I constantly hurt with worry and missing my friends who are far away, God allows me peace. I am constantly learning lessons. Unfortunately, I am often learning them the hard way. But I know that I am alive today because God intended it, and that I have lessons to learn, and have to live to serve him and others in the best way that I can.
Occasionally I go back to the entrance of the dark place I mentioned in my previous post. I never go all the way in, because I know God does not want that, but depression often eats away at me. If you are reading this, I hope you will pray for me that I continue to see God through the dark and fight my way through to the light.
If you are reading this and need prayers, or need something, ANYTHING from me, please let me know. I aspire to serve in any way possible. I will try as often as I can to take time out to pray for you, or to listen to you, or to offer advice, or a shoulder to cry on. You are as much of a child of God as anyone else, and you deserve that much. Or if you have any questions for me, I will always answer you honestly.
I love you all. Thanks for reading. God bless.
