Hey all.
I realize it's been quite awhile. I feel like I only write when I need something. I really need your prayers. My heart is hardening. I used to feel like I had a decent heart. I don't anymore. I still care deeply about all the people close to me, but I feel more bitter and apathetic by the day. My friends are hurting and I feel I can do nothing for them, other friends are drifting away and I feel trapped. Like my feet are in cement blocks. My past experiences are saving me from my depression. My friends help me exponentially, but only seeing them once or twice a week is just....difficult. My Lipscomb friends being gone makes everything worse, and I only thought being busy all the time would help.
I don't know where else to go. I don't have too many people I can talk to. I think most people in the church mistake my dry sense of humor for being rude and selfish. I wouldn't go as far as to say they "hate" me, but I don't think there is a general fondness there. Most of my friends have their own problems. I love them, and I'm glad to help them with their problems, but often times I feel like I am at best unequipped to help anyone.
My prayer today is for my friends. The people that I have the deepest love for. God, please help them. Show them your path and your light. You are the answer to their problems and to mine. I do not wish to force you on anyone, but I pray that you shine through me again so that I may shine to them. I pray that my heart softens and my apathy fades, for only through you can I truly love. Father, I know you will never forsake or abandon me. I know you are here. Help me to make the best of that.
Love,
Nick
PS. I hope I have offended no-one. I really do care for you all.
