What Can I Say? What Can I Do? But Offer This Heart, Oh God....

I have a lot of things running through my head right now. I am in prayer for all of my friends that need it. I know that they need it more than me, so I'm doing the best I can.

But I did one selfish thing this week. I dropped Jazz Band. Actually, I washed my hands of the Lipscomb Music Department. You wanna know why? ASK ME! But this is my blog so I'll tell you anyway: I was only in it for the money, and my dad told me that the money was not worth the stress it was causing me. He asked if I liked it, I said "No". So my folks talked about it and they let me drop. What you need to understand about it is that my folks are the only reason I was doing band. I wanted to help them out with my scholarship. When that became less important, I have no good reason to stay in band. I really don't have a reason to feel guilty, but for some reason people being mad at me is making me feel bad.

Here's the burning topic for the week. Lying.

Have you ever just been able to tell when someone is lying? I always have. This week, I am 95% certain that someone I really care about lied to me. I wish she had told me the truth. Maybe I just don't believe her because it hurt. But if it was going to hurt anyway, why not just use the truth? I've always been bad at this and making enemies because I refuse to lie. After all this time, do I really deserve to be lied to? Maybe I do. I dunno.


Sorry for all these unnecessary rants. This is my blog and some of this stuff just shouldn't be holed up inside. I'm having a hard time lately. I'll keep praying. Praying that I find a job this summer, that God launches me into a career, that God takes care of the people I love and that he will bless my life. And I'll pray for you too, if you need it. I love you all, and please comment or talk to me somehow. Facebook me. Text me. Let's be better friends. :)

God Bless,

Nick

Things I'm tired of hearing.

Here are a couple things I'm tired of hearing. If you're tired of hearing me.....stop reading.


1. "You have SO many options on what to do with your life."

- I'm going to let you in on a little secret.... I KNOW!!!!!!! I know I have options. As a matter of fact, that's the problem! I need my course cut out for me. I want opinions from people that know me. What should I do? What do you think I would be good at? What can you see me doing? I KNOW that I have options. Not the issue.

2. "You just haven't found the right girl yet"/"The right girl is out there"

-Umm......duh? (to the first), to the second: I don't believe that. I have been thinking about these phrases and I think that people telling you this is their way of telling you A) "I'm not interested" (even though I never said I was). Or, B) This is safety statement that condemns the possibility that I might be right. I don't believe in the one. I believe that two people can make a relationship work. Period. It's all about discipline and what God deems appropriate for your two paths. I don't think there is a "one", I think there are at least....8 who could do well. But I think the latter (B) is what people are really thinking. They're condeming the possibility that I might be right (like I always am) that I'm going to be lonely for some kind of a long time. They want me to be wrong because it crushes the romantic in them. The romantic who defies most logic and all reality. Which sucks, but I try to be realistic.

And don't get me wrong. I'd love to be proven wrong. (I'm saying "wrong" a lot) But....not happening. Anytime soon anyway.


I don't know what impression you got from this. If you've told me one of these things before, this is NOT (I repeat, NOT) an attack. At all. I love you all a lot. But the fact of the matter is that I'm tired of hearing this stuff. Try telling me something I don't know, or just keeping something to yourself. Please and Thank You! Love you readers! God bless!

Nick

Why Football is so important to me

I bet you are all wondering. Why is football so important to me? And then you saw the title of my blog and thought "I bet he's going to tell me". Well I am. So here goes.


There was a time in my life, in 2009, which is mentioned in a previous blog entry. At this time in my life, I didn't feel like I had much going for me. I felt like my life was at a dead end. Then every Sunday (The LORD's day, not a coincidence) the Colts would play. And for 14 straight weeks. They won. Have you ever needed that? That something, no matter how petty it may seem eventually? Literally the only thing I felt I had going for me was getting to witness this great season that MY team was having. It was a ray of sunshine on an overall cloudy experience.


Well listen. To a lot of you this sounds dumb, but I do this with anything I am passionate about. When my friends hurt, I hurt. I get into movies. I am competitive. I believe these things simply make me human. But I just wanted everyone to know that I am not emotional about football due to immaturity, or at least I do not believe that. I am emotional about football because it was once all I had. When the Colts lose it's like.....a friend is hurting. I just want to make it better but I can't.

Anyway. Thanks for reading. God bless.

Nick

I. Don't. Understand.

You really know who your friends are. You can always tell. It's obvious really. The other people that are "important" are people that you wish were your friends. There are so many people in my life that I wish cared about me. That I wish God would help me let go of. Come on big guy. I just don't want to hurt because of people who don't matter to me anymore......

I shouldn't blog when I'm tired

I'm not sure if that last one makes complete sense to me. But if it makes sense to anyone else, I'll leave it up.

Anyway, I'm really torn about 2011. Here is why.

There comes a point in every man's life when he has to grow up. 2011 is that time for me.

I, being the ultimate procrastinator, have put off "growing up" until the last possible chance. So, I've gotten all the way here, 2011, my 22nd year.... with nothing.

I have no inkling what I want to do with my life, no girlfriend, I'm terrible with money, and have no semblance of stability in my life. So, what's a guy (soon to be a man) to do? I had about 9 people click "like" on my facebook status telling me I was a good friend. Is there any way I can go pro?

I know that I would not have made it this far without God. He saved my life. He intends for me to be here, on this earth. He has plans, intentions, and uses for me. But...well. I guess sometimes it's scary walking through your life on faith alone. 21 years and 8 months, and no clue where you're going? Yeah. If it was a driving trip....I'd be a little worried by now that I didn't have directions.

I guess if you are reading this, talk to me. Give me advice. Ask for my advice. Be present. Be open minded. If I'm good enough to be a professional friend, be my friend! We can spend time together. But most of all I ask you to pray for me. Pray that I find that dirt road (obviously less traveled) that God has been dancing me around for the last 21 years. Pray for 2011. Pray for each other. Time spent in prayer is always time well spent.

I love you all. Thank you for reading. Text me sometime.

-Nick